If you gotta take space, do it on the beach in Mexico.

I know. Moving away from your husband for an undetermined amount of time will make people curious. I field questions about this every day and I am more than happy to talk about it! I believe in sharing my experiences honestly. I share pictures of my body daily and I am also ok with sharing my life stripped down.

So why did I move to Mexico alone? The short answer to the question is: Because my therapist fucking told me to.

And she was adamant. And she is ALWAYS RIGHT. Tripp and I lucked out in finding the most badass therapist who ended up being a good fit for us individually and as a couple, We have been seeing her for almost two years while working individually on ourselves and integrating that work into our relationship. We have grown more with this therapist in the past few years than any other time in our adult lives! It’s not just because she is an incredibly intuitive, experienced, and intelligent person… but also because she is a trauma therapist who has highlighted that most people’s issues stem from trauma, and that trauma has many forms. Our personal work we need to do is what spurred the need for some time apart.

As constantly growing and evolving humans, after 12 years we are SUCH different people than when we first met. Since we grew together for so long with very little therapy and few positive relationship role models we both fell into co-dependant and enmeshed behaviors. We became wrapped up in each other and our relationship instead of focusing on ourselves. And it was bad. And It was hard to try to do things differently. We wanted to keep living together because we fucking love each other so much… but we weren’t able to do the kind of growth we both needed together.

So we did a trial separation. AND IT WAS AMAZING! I got my own apartment downtown- decorated it how I liked and did whatever the fuck I wanted to and needed to. I realized that there were other ways to have a relationship that didn’t involve constantly cohabitating the same space. And I realized this was a way to show my love. I love you so much that I will give us the space we need to grow. During this time we still hung out a lot. We had date nights and work nights and it was all very romantic and great… but we were still pretty focused on each other.

We got close to relationship meltdown mode but instead of going there we backed off. We did work. We took time. We did preventative maintenance that will help us maintain a healthy relationship. We did (and are still doing) A LOT of therapy. And we chose to take some greater space apart so we could really focus on ourselves. We are determined to show up as our best selves for each other.

One of the things that hasn’t changed over twelve years is that we both love each other. I feel so blessed and privileged on so many levels. I am so grateful I ended up with a dude that is open minded, respectful of my independence, and *willing to go to regular therapy!*. I’m grateful that we ended up in a job with so much flexibility, that I had enough money to rent an apartment when I needed space, and that I can do my job anywhere with a good internet connection.

I’m also grateful for all my amazing friends and fans that have been so understanding and compassionate towards us during this time. We know we are doing the right things… but it’s still difficult to be away from the person you love.

Sometimes “relationship goals” looks like a couple laughing together and having fun… and sometimes “relationship goals” involves working through some tougher shit and giving each other the space to grow individually.

My most solid relationship advice is to find a great sex-positive therapist and see them regularly. It will make your life so much easier to have a professional on your team! Try out therapists. Don’t feel stuck with one you don’t click with. We are in the digital age and a whole wide world of therapists are now available at the click of a button. If you are a sex worker in need of a therapist, Pineapple Support and the Cupcake Girls have great resources and subsidized therapy available!

Tripp and I can’t wait to comeback stronger than ever as a cam couple. Not working together has been hard but we have been compiling some awesome ideas for our reunion! Stay tuned for a fun Summer…